Cum Gun Classification

Let me preface this post by giving a shout out to Brad and Gerry from The Bend Over and Take It Podcast (available on iTunes) because it was actually one of their podcast episodes that I heard this discussion

With all of the colorful and diverse synonyms we have for the male genitalia, it would be nice to have some guidance and a better sense of what you are dealing with based on name.  Therefore, Brad and Gerry provided a fantastic (and I believe accurate) 4 class system: Penis, Dick, Cock, Schlong.  While this scale can be somewhat subjective in nature, I think you will agree with it.

Let us start with "penis":  to put it simply, this is a less than desirable class to be in.  Although it may be the "technical" term, I doubt you will ever find a decent porn where some chick is getting plowed and says in her exceedingly screechy and shrill pornstar voice, "Yeah baby!  Fuck me with your penis!".  Why?  Because "penis" is not sexy.  "Penis" sounds clinical, boring, and icky.  On a sizing scale, I would say "penis" can be applied to anything under 5.5".

Next we have the "dick": this is probably where the majority of guys fall.  There really is nothing wrong with "dick" at all in most cases for most people.  I'll go ahead and apply the range of greater than 5.5" and up to 7".  It's a decent dick, he can probably still make you squirm with it, and it is nice and easy to swallow the whole thing which makes you feel accomplished.

Moving on to "cock": larger than a dick, the cock is kind of my idea of the perfect fleshrod in most cases.  Over 7" and under 9", the cock is nothing short of a work of art.  Although not uncommon, most guys will probably claim they have a cock when they probably don't.  It is a bit more of a challenge to take it all down your throat but any good queen can handle it like a champ ;)

Lastly, we have the revered and mystical "schlong": over 9" puts any guy with a schlong into an elite group that almost anyone would kill for.  I have heard some people say that they couldn't take bigger than that if they tried, and to them I say...you aren't trying hard enough.  And, with a little practice and dedication, you should be able to swallow up to about 10" before it become a true obstacle (I say that only because I've never had the opportunity to attempt larger than 10" before).

So there you have it.  A simple 4-class system to naming a cum gun.  Where do you fall?  Where does your boyfriend fall?  This is a super fun conversation to have in a nice restaurant while talking inappropriately loud...I highly recommend it.

Comment and e-mail me bitchez ;-)

Licking His Popsicle Part Deux: If You Aren't Using Your Tongue, You're Doing It Wrong

This is somewhat of an add-on to my first post about sucking cock.  After re-reading, I realized that I had neglected one very important technique.

Something I learned several years ago was that you can't just open your mouth, take a dick, and expect any results above mediocre.  Repeat after me, "My tongue is a source of extreme and never-ending power."  Here's the deal, if you don't make good use of your tongue, then it might feel to him like he is fucking a two-dollar street whore who's pussy is so fucking loose that he might as well be fucking empty air (insert hotdog in hallway joke here) - LOL.  One of the best techniques I've learned is simply the curling of the tongue.  If you can curl your tongue into a "U" shape, then you already have the only tool you need.  If you didn't master this at age five then there is no time like the present to learn.  Personally I can curl my tongue to make three "U's" at once, so you can only imagine what I am capable of (it's okay to be jealous).  While you're swallowing his meatstick, apply the same muscle control to your tongue that you would to create the "U".  If his dick isn't embarrassingly small, you most likely won't be able to actually form the "U" completely around it, but that muscle control applied upward around his shaft will definitely increase pleasure.

Have fun kids!  Leave me a comment or e-mail me: meageropulence@gmail.com so that I can give you one-on-one guidance and explain exactly why I am in all likelihood better than you ;-)  Thanks for reading!